Breaking Down The Walls
by Tequesta
Summary: Set just after 'COTP'. Danny wants to help Mac, who reluctantly lets him. Rated M for established Mac/Danny slash, and one scene in particular  EDIT: had to upload again due to glaring error. Grrr...


Mac is in Danny's bed, asleep, and that's how it should be. For once, Danny is the one awake, the one watching the other sleep, feeling protective of the sleeping figure next to him. It's a nice feeling, and he often fights sleep just to experience it.

Right now, however, he isn't fighting sleep; he's wide awake. He's just glad that Mac is even here at all. His eyes linger on the bandage on Mac's neck, the one that he made Mac stay awake long enough for to change again. It's a nasty-looking injury, looks worse than it actually is, but Danny still had to suppress the flinch he had felt when he'd seen the flesh stripped of skin. It could've been worse, and Danny is just grateful it wasn't.

In the past couple of hours or so that Danny's been watching Mac, he hasn't moved from his face-down-in-the-pillow position, and if it wasn't for the fact that Danny can hear him breathing, he would've been wondering if Mac was actually alive, he was so damn still.

Even with his eyes constantly on Mac, Danny finds it hard to believe that Mac is even here. Finding him in his blood-soaked shirt was terrifying, although not as terrifying as seeing Flack lying there still and pale with a bloody hole in his side. Thankfully, Danny thinks silently, Flack's gonna pull through. All because Mac had the sense to stop him from bleeding to death.

The memory of disarming the second bomb comes back to Danny, and it's as if he's back in that room with Mac, suited up to the max. He remembers thinking that the faceguards, or the suits for that matter, would do nothing if Mac hadn't been able to disarm it, and would've made so much mincemeat of them.

The bottom drops out of Danny's stomach, the same way it did when he was by Mac's side, watching those normally steady hands shake a little before setting to work. If Danny hadn't seen that shaking, he might have been a little less pissing-his-pants-in-fear and more inclined to believe that Mac actually had an idea of what he was doing.

But they made it, and they're here, together. Mac is sleeping, and Danny's watching over him, rehashing something he'd much rather not think about, but it keeps coming up, anyway.

Had Mac chosen him because he hadn't wanted to die alone if all went wrong? Danny had to wonder at that, and if that had been the case, then it had been one of those rare instances where Mac had been selfish, and inordinately so. It makes him feel...not honored, exactly, but if he'd known beforehand that Mac had chosen him for that reason, he still would've gone with him, anyway. He would rather die by Mac's side than be alone with him dead, and that kind of dedication to his lover scares him a little, but in a good way. He hopes Mac feels the same way about him.

As Danny watches him, Mac shifts a little, and the part of his face that isn't buried in the pillow tenses with a slight frown, followed by an indistinct mumble. Danny wonders what he's dreaming about, then thinks in the next second that he'd be willing to bet it's about this past week. The frown remains, and Mac mumbles again, still indistinctly. Danny hopes that Mac isn't dreaming badly, but it's unlikely, not with the week they've had. He's only been witness to a nightmare of Mac's once, when it was so bad he woke up pale-faced and gasping, close to tears.

This time, Mac mumbles something a little clearer, and Danny can make out a name: Don. He knows who Mac is dreaming about, and tenses, wondering if this is gonna be a bad one. He watched him, nerves on edge, and almost jumps when Mac's eye snaps open and he's propped up one elbow, almost upright before he's fully awake.

He blinks sleepily, breathing hard, the flesh on his arms covered in goosebumps as if he's cold. His eyes are wide as he stares at Danny, as if he can't quite believe he's there.

"Mac?" Danny says quietly, and that seems to bring him back a little. He blinks a few times, his breathing shaky but not so fast now, and he closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

"Did I wake you?" is what Mac says first. Danny shakes his head.

"Couldn't sleep," he replies. "You okay, Mac?"

"No. No, I'm not," Mac says, and he sits up, drawing his knees close to his chest. "I'm not okay at all."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not particularly," Mac mutters, staring determinedly at his knees. He doesn't shift for a couple of minutes, and when he does, it's to turn his head to stare at Danny.

"You weren't asleep," he says flatly. Danny shakes his head once. "How come?"

Danny shrugs. Now that Mac's awake, he really doesn't want to get into it. Mac is concerned, though, and turns to Danny, touching his shoulder hesitantly.

"I wanted to ask you something earlier," he says. "There was this...look in your eyes when we disarmed that second bomb."

"When *you* disarmed that second bomb," Danny interjects, and Mac frowns.

"I put you on the spot," he says. "I shouldn't have done that to you. You have a look in your eyes right now, the same one you had when were standing in front of the second bomb. It's hard to explain."

Danny thinks he knows what Mac's talking about, and he shakes his head slightly.

"I was scared," he says simply. "Scared that you'd somehow get it wrong and blow us to hell. And then you did it. And we were alive. I keep...it feels like a dream. I feel like we're actually dying, and I'm gonna realize it, realize that it's a dying dream, and that we're not here anymore."

"But we _are_ here," Mac says. He shifts towards Danny, taking his hand. "I'm sorry I did that to you."

"Don't be," Danny said fiercely. "I think it'd be worse if just one of us had died. I wanted to run, but I stayed. Because I love ya, Mac, and that's what we do when we love each other, ya know."

For the first time in about a week, Mac smiles. A faint one, but a smile nonetheless, a little sadness in his eyes.

"Well, I'm glad you stayed," Mac says, and Danny grins. It's as close to an 'I love you' Mac gets. Mac has actually said those three words before, but Danny knows and understands that Mac isn't the kind of man to wear his heart on his sleeve.

"Sure ya don't wanna talk about it?" Danny asks, and it takes Mac a second or two to realize what Danny's talking about. He shakes his head slowly.

"Just...bad dreams," he says, and Danny leaves it at that.

"How's your neck?"

"A little sore. I can handle it," Mac replies, shrugging. He's clamming up again, and Danny panics and shifts, closing the little space there is between them.

"Don't shut me out," he murmurs, begs. "Please."

His hand touches Mac's face, sliding down to his chest, resting on his t-shirt. He knows that under the blue cotton is the scar over Mac's heart, one that Mac is yet to tell him the story about.

Mac is barely breathing, but Danny can feel his chest rising and falling under his hand.

"Stop closing me out," he says, and he leans forward, his mouth against Mac's. Mac freezes for a few seconds, then opens his mouth to allow Danny in. They kiss almost frantically, one clutching the other as if he were drowning, and in a sense, they both are. So much has happened that past week, piled on top of everything else; Aiden's murder, Louie's unchanged condition in the hospital. Almost losing Flack to a crazed bomber.

_I almost lost Mac, too_, Danny thinks hazily, his teeth clinking against Mac's, the kiss almost brutal in its desperation. _We almost lost each other_.

Mac pulls away first, and whispers something in Danny's ear; a quietly desperate plea. Danny nods, and they quickly strip each other of the little clothing they're wearing, throwing it without care onto the floor.

Then Danny leans over Mac, gently kissing the skin between his shoulder blades as he enters him, slowly filling him up. Mac groans faintly, closing his eyes. It's been so long since he was intimate with Danny, and certainly on this level. He needs it, and as Danny digs his fingers into his hips hard enough to leave marks, he pushes back a little, and Danny starts moving in him, his rhythm haphazard, but it's enough. He grunts with each thrust, relishes the faint, continuous moan coming from Mac. His hands now rest on either side of Mac's chest, clutching the blankets tightly, and as he fucks Mac, he leans over and kisses the back of his neck, whispering in his ear, resting his chest against Mac's back.

Mac barely listens to the whispered words, feeling the delicious tingle of his oncoming climax up and down his spine as Danny hits that spot deep inside him over and over.

He comes quickly, crying out Danny's name sharply as his orgasm stampedes through his trembling body, white sparks shooting beneath his closed eyes. Danny follows him shortly afterwards, and collapses on top of Mac, both of them breathing hard and perspiring.

Danny just lies there, tracing a lazy circle with his forefinger on the back of Mac's hand, his eyes closed. Mac is still shaking a little beneath him, and it takes his sluggish brain several seconds to realize Mac is silently crying. Mac never cries, Danny realizes, and he's just not the type to cry after sex, either.

Gently and carefully, he pulls out of Mac, who slowly sits up, now shaking uncontrollably.

"Sorry," Mac says, sniffing. "I ne-never lose it like this."

Danny moves forward, wiping away the tears, something he can't quite put together with the Mac he knows.

"It's about time, though," Danny said. "I didn't hurt you?"

Mac shakes his head, sighs with a long shudder, then laughs. It's a mirthless sound, a desperate sound. He stops Danny's hand in mid-air when it goes towards his face.

"I needed that," he says. "It's...I haven't really let go in a long time."

Danny is curious. "When was the last time you cried?"

Mac shakes his head a little. "At Claire's memorial service, I guess."

He's still shaking, and he drops his gaze, his eyes red. He blinks, then shakes his head as more tears tumble silently down his cheeks. He lets go of Danny's hand to wipe them away furiously, but Danny stops him, grasping his hands.

"Let 'em come," he says quietly. Mac stares wid- eyed at him, and then the tears really come, his lip trembling as Danny holds his hands. He shakes as Danny pulls him close, and for a long time, Mac just lies against his shoulder, sobbing as if something deep inside him is breaking, which Danny supposes it is; even Mac has a breaking point, and Danny knows he's reached it. He gently strokes Mac's hair, knowing that right now, words are meaningless. Mac just needs him, pure and simple.

Eventually, the tears stop flowing. Mac is still shaking a little, and as he lefts his head, he wipes his eyes with back of his hand, and sniffs.

"Better?" Danny asks. Mac narrows his puffy, red-rimmed eyes thoughtfully, then nods slowly.

"Actually, yes," he says. "I feel...lighter, somehow."

"That'd be the weight you've been carrying around, then," Danny says wryly, and the corners of Mac's mouth twitch upwards briefly. "C'mon."

Danny pats the space on the mattress beside him; Mac takes the hint, and together, they lie down together, and Danny pulls the blanket over the pair of them. Once he turns off the lamp, he finds Mac in the sudden darkness, and the two turn to face each other, legs tangling together and arms entwined around each other.

Mac sniffs again, his breath hitching a little.

"Mac?" Danny murmurs. "You gonna be okay?"

"I will be," Mac replies.

It's that answer that reassures Danny more than a 'I'm fine' would've.

"Danny?" Mac says.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

Danny doesn't quite know what to say to that, and settles for gently rubbing Mac's side. Mac understands the gesture, smiles faintly in the dark. He feels his eyes prick up again, but no more tears come; he thinks he's cried himself out.

They're both utterly exhausted by now, both emotionally and physically, and it doesn't take them long to fall asleep.

Mac falls asleep first, again, into a dreamless sleep this time, and Danny is lulled to sleep by the sound of Mac breathing steadily.

_What a wonderful sound_, is Danny's last drowsy thought.

A/N: I don't normally write this kinda thing, but it was an idea I had for a little while, and whilst writing another oneshot with Mac and Danny (will upload at some point, this account's going all dusty cos I delete way too much and don't upload **nearly** enough).

Feedback is very much appreaciated :)


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